I’m not sure but I’ve been thinking about it alot lately since I returned to the states. Here it seems people my age are much more concerned with their relationship status, getting in a relationship, maintaining it and taking it to new levels. This preoccupation with an attachment as I willl call it is less present in Europe. There I felt like if you met someone it was great, if not life was still great. Things happen in their own time and maybe the older societies are more aware that the infatuation only lasts a short time.
So in Asia I started feeling for the first time a supreme sense of independence like if I remained a spinster or more specifically a female monk, I would not have anything to regret. In Spain this year the same was true, I was indifferent to the idea of romance because I really do believe we can find complete fullness within ourselves. But when I returned to Portland a few weeks I instantly realized that those who were like me (single) seemed to be scrambling for that missing peice as if their life was only half full until they could find that one other persoon who would somehow make them complete.
I met with an old friend from highschool last weekend for coffeee and I noticed she was preoccupied with guys and trying to set me up with one of her friends. “I know I talk a lot about guys,” she admited, “but everyone needs to find that special someone.” This startled me, was this so? I brought up the fact that Apostle Paul and John the Baptist among innumerable other saints had no need for a relationship. She agreed, but said still in our day and age we do.
I had another interesting coffee chat with a friend today who told me that the reason we were all in this dash for “love” is that many look to a significant other as protection from the scariness of today’s world. Also the pressures and costs of jobs and apartments are alleviated by having two. I said that I prefer not to have attachments. They keep me from being able to be free to travel. He said I was the opposite of many people who are obsessed with being in love, I on the other hand fit into the category of running away from it. Is it true? Maybe.
George said,
June 14, 2009 at 3:52 pm
very nice vesna. I do hope this elicits responses. it truly is one of those topics taken for granted in American society. we spend so much time trying to “complete” ourselves when truly we need to be complete in ourselves then find another to “complement” us if we desire companionship.
To be obsessed with companionship is not healthy, but to be frivolous with it in the average human state can be just as damaging. freedom can be found in an others company. such as the freedom to express yourself, share a thought, bare your “soul”, laugh out loud together, face the world when you might not feel like it that day. the freedom to have a warm embrace that is meaningful and sincere. the freedom had in knowing “someone cares for me. no matter what I do, where I go, this person thinks I’m special and important.”
certainly, all this can seem from a spiritual perspective as “attachment” but attachment bounded by caring and tenderness, consideration and shared goals, is as close as some come to that which others have been fortunate enough to develop. an attachment to a guru dev, a spiritual teacher that pours out Divine Love. true “love” can never be found and based upon bank accounts, possessions, or sexual passions. we can use our “feeling” to guide us, but not the feeling of heart racing and the giddiness of a new relationship. for myself it is a feeling of being grounded and calm. it is a feeling of connectedness of the souls dancing and playing together in the company of another. its hard to explain.
I have known this feeling many times and it hardly ever means I am “falling in love” but rather that the communication happening at that moment, the connection, is based on a deeper Love. I think if we all worked at cultivating relationships on many levels based upon this feeling this would definitely be a better world. The Saints teach, “go and interact with the World! Spread the light and love of your soul to others. To keep it to yourself, to hide it away is “selfish”.”
the Divine desires for us to interact intimately. the Divine has our best interests in mind and continuously gives us clues and guides us in relationships. we just have to pay attention. we need to put aside our mental garbage and baggage concerning relationships and just “feel”.
My apologies. It is difficult to keep it too short. I hope what I write speaks to you. Namaste.
Lance said,
December 14, 2009 at 7:09 pm
you took the words right out of my mouth, vesna!
attachment is the root of suffering and disappointment
xo
L