Transcending Time To Find Phantoms All Around

October 31, 2008 at 8:13 am (Thoughts)
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Since it is Halloween I’m going to tell you a true tale that happened not long ago. Travel with me down a deserted country road in the darkest part of night. There’s no lights anywhere except for your own lonely head lights, which don’t seem to do much good. You get lost as I often do and find yourself turning around in front of some little country house with a morbid collection of dolls standing like grave-heads in the lawn. As you try not to look to closely into the encroaching shadows you turn around and feel a deep dread in your stomach that if you were to stop, something hideous would climb from somewhere under your car and strike at you through the glass. That thin layer separating you from all your deepest fears that lie out there, temporarily shielded from your carefully protected reality. And as you continue on down the road going the opposite direction quickly blinking and trying anything to keep from dozing off you wander if there’s any way you’re going to make it to your destination, which seems endlessly out of reach. You stop at a flashing red light and what you took for a roadside hedge suddenly comes racing at you and the fear of death seizes you as you enter into your own real life horror.

But, this isn’t the point of the story. Actually, whether we live another day or are dashed to pieces like Paris Hilton in The House of Wax, does that really separate the hero from the rest of us poor doomed victims? I guess what really matters is what we’ve done with our lives. As anyone who has come back from being clinically dead will tell you; there is much more meaning to this life than what we gather from these “gateways to night and day” (the eyes) and “the whirling wheels” (the ears). 

What is real anyway? Can you say something is real life and something else is not? Yesterday I was working on the computer until about four in the morning and then I went up to my room and like I usually do, turned on the heater and sat in front of it in swastikasana and began my nightly meditation. It was one of those few moments when it was so easy. My conscious mind just melted away into the bright light of the machine and I could feel with awe the strength and perfection of my essence, my buddha nature. I was aware. And some thoughts did come but they seemed foreign and I realized they were not me and they just smashed to bits screeching just as they had come. I became aware of how insanely repetitive the monkey mind really is. I meditated on the true essence of mind. The concepts of time and space seemed far removed. Sometimes I feel like there are beings moving around me when I’m sitting. Once I felt the hindu deities gathered about me, and one of them, perhaps it was Krishna stroking my hair. This time I felt someone brush past me and like there was all this activity and commotion happening all around me, but I was still, but I could participate if I wanted to. I knew this was not in the present era. Was this another dimension? I even heard noises that couldn’t have come from the sleeping house. If, as in some traditions, time is just a human construct and the past, present and future lie on one single continuum, then what is separating us from the past people and things that once shared this same space? If, indeed, all of these notions are just illusions, then it is only our own perceptions preventing us from being in other times, places and with other beings, etc. This whole notion of being different and of otherness is false and like a vase containing my own inner world away from the outer one. I found it close to breaking, cracking and just letting everything collide, come what may.

I wonder, is time travel really necessary or do we constantly have access to a transport vessel if we only learn how to utilize our minds? 

If the elephant of mind is bound on all sides by the cord of mindfulness,

All fear disappears and complete happiness comes.

All enemies: all the tigers, lions, elephants, bears, serpents

And all the keepers of hell; the demons and the horrors,

All of these are bound by the mastery of your mind,

And by the taming of that one mind, all are subdued,

Because from the mind are derived all fears and immeasurable sorrows.

~ Shantideva

Happy Day of the Dead!

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Ten things to learn from Asia

October 24, 2008 at 12:45 am (Uncategorized)
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I went to Asia with the desire to learn from the culture. As simple as that. I had a sneaking suspicion that there was something missing in the sleek “we are the world” western package I had been purchasing all my life. So here it is, a list in no particular order of some of what I consider the most important things I learned over these nine months in India and Southeast Asia.

Spiritually:

1-Yoga – I studied for about two months total both in Rishikesh, India and Chiang Mai, Thailand. I discovered how life-enhancing yoga is and why the west is becoming obsessed with this long practiced simultaneous excercise of body and mind. My favourite asanas (postures) are the head stand and padastasana (touching your toes) and doing surja namaskar twelve times during sunset has also proven rejuvenating.

2-You cannot convince someone who isn’t ready. Each person will realize the truth eventually in their own time: The words of my herbal guru in northern Thailand. I have difficulty realizing this because I want so much for people to realize the pure joy I have found. But I guess teaching by example is the best method.

3-Meditation – I cannot extoll too much the virtues of meditation in every aspect, and when I found out it was used to treat even the most serious diseases like HIV and cancer, well you can’t argue against it.

“Sit, then as if you were a mountain, with all the unshakeable, steadfast majesty of a mountain. A mountain is completely natural and at ease with itself, however strong the winds that batter it, however thick the dark clouds that swirl around its peak. Sitting like a mountain, let your mind rise and fly and soar.” – Sogyal Rinpoche from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Practically:

4-How to cook a decent Thai dish. Taking a cooking course individually with a Thai lady was one of the most practical things I did. I’m able to cook an array of healthful tasty foods like pad thai, tom yum, green curry, etc. Atleast I can work on American’s waistlines if I can’t alter their mindset.

5-Giving a Thai Massage. I took an intensive two week course and also learned from my guru some useful “lazy yoga” techniques and practice my Indian head massage. Massage is really almost a magical art like meditation bringing you into another state of mind.

6-Raising a baby. Ok, I didn’t have a baby, but I raised a puppy from one day old to opening its eyes and walking. I learned to give myself fully to another being, including waking every two hours for feeding, pooping, sharing body heat and otherwise caring and nurturing for a helpless creature as, I suppose a mother does. It’s a lot of responsibility and I can only wander and be grateful of how my mother was able to do it for longer than two weeks. India provides this opporunity plentifully as the idea of owning a dog is non-existant and strays abound.

7-Medicine and the power of tea-I tried every type of tea I could get my hands on. Indian chai, Thai cha yen to Darjeeling and Oolong blends. I learned about certain powerful herbs that grow in the jungle or simply everywhere like Bai Bua Boke (gotu kola) and Tongkat Ali. I watched how a giant papaya leaf could be used as a cast on a foot injury and alternative techniques and mantras could have unintended consequences. Herbal medicine is absolutely fascinating.

Randomly:

8-How unneccessary a chair is. You can sit anywhere, the world is your chair. I’ve never spent more time eating, drinking, talking, listening, playing everything that we do can be done on the bare ground and tables as well are mere luxuries.

9-It’s the process of work, not the results that count. I learned to take breaks and deep breaths and work mindfully so that the entire work process can actually be enjoyable and unrushed. We are only as hurried as we believe we are. 

10-It doesn’t matter where you are or how far you travel, you will always feel and be the same. The real difference lies within. ~V

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an ode to the jungle

October 15, 2008 at 1:58 am (Thoughts)
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This morning I woke up and heard what sounded like Tibetan chanting, a beautiful sound that resonates in the chambers of your soul. It sent me into an instant deep meditation and even when I realized it was actually just the sounds of chain saws vibrating through the hills, I remained there some minutes relishing this connection, however slight, to the East. 

The thing that I miss the most about Thailand and SE Asia at the moment is the interminable jungles. In every landscape, even the vast rice paddies you can see the wide coconut palms, bamboo trees, ferns and tropical fruits creeping in; a ton of nameless medicinal plants ripe for rediscovery and worshipped for eons by local hill tribes and unnamed Shamanic peoples. I regret only admiring this wild mess of plants from afar, studying them only in the vast backyards of temples and when they encroached upon roads that I zoomed past riding on the back of motorbikes – the only way the locals travel.

I did take one beautiful walk to a waterfall and was swept away by the still chaos under the canopy of trees. It was like another world and just felt further away from any type of civilization than any forest I’d ever been in. The various streams underfoot were like universes of eternal contemplation, secrets to indestructibility.

Now I’m back in America and I must say it is still beautiful here, in the lush wine valleys of the pacific northwest where my family has a small farm cradled on the side of a hill. We’re surrounded by pine trees and some oaks and maples turning delicious colors of red and yellow fitting for any Christmas postcard and there’s an exciting chance of snow. But, it’s also freezing cold and since I’m not acclimatized to anything below the eternal hotness of Asia, it’s impossible for me to go anywhere without layers of coats and the discomfort of dry, cracking skin: Going out for a long walk in the woods is pretty much out of the question. In Thailand everyday is perfect temperature, even the rains only bring a brief welcoming change.

Three years ago I was planning a trip with a girl from Alaska to Central America. Well, I backed out at the last minute and she went ahead on the five month adventure through Guatemala, Peru and Ecuador solo. She never returned as far as I know. She was swept away by a handsome Ecuadorian tour guide and they were married and are still living together on the Galapagos Islands. Could I have had the same fate? Well, I guess I’ll never know. But, I did have a similar opportunity in Thailand. In the last five days I was there I decided to go to a little hippy town called Pai. Everyone had been saying from the moment I got to Thailand that I had to go to Pai. It was the place for me. So I made a brief excursion there and found out they were right. I relished every moment; from learning to drive a motorbike through the narrow hilly roads to riding an elephant through the river and then burning my fingers while giving a Thai herbal steam massage. Every moment was unforgettable and the town was visibly likened to a ’70’s Shangri La. I spent the evenings at a small bar outside of town that had live reggae music and barbecues every night. It was attended by the same few locals, one of them a Thai musician I’d hung out with in Bangkok. He was so thrilled to see me he dedicated a Bob Marley song to me onstage and begged me to stay in Pai. He said I could work at the bar along with a few European girls who’d also been swept away by the relaxed beauty of the place. The cosy bamboo bungalows where I would have lived were brand new and straddled a tiny stream which zipped down the nearby mountains. But alas, the realist in me said no. I had to get back and see my folks. I guess this is the reason I’ve always come home even after being in some very tempting paradisaical places. I just have to remember that paradise is every moment, no matter where we are. Maybe if I look hard enough at my computer’s lush Laos backdrop I will be transported here when I close my eyes.

 

 

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money woes, a lesson learned

October 3, 2008 at 9:53 am (Thoughts)
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It has been a very hard last couple of days for me. I returned back from my peaceful countryside retreat to the city and my apartment. Immediately the hazy thick air and panick-stricken hustle struck me harder than ever before. Could it be that I am a country girl? I think I just prefer small towns -small towns with just the right vibe - maybe it’s the hippy in me.

Anyway, all my money is gone!! I looked in the place I always kept it and someone took off with my wad of cash and my bank card. And I know I should just accept it and just have peace about it like a proper meditator. But, I just burst into tears and spent the rest of the day and night in frequent bursts of anger and frustration. I had saved up my money meticulously during my entire trip so that my last few days could be spent doing the luxury things I’d denied myself this entire time. The busride back I’d been dreaming about riding on an elephant through the jungle and bamboo rafting in one of those package tourist deals I’d never tried. I was going to finally take a cooking course so I could dazzle with my Thai culinary expertise. I was also going to take a short course in foot massage. But, alas it wasn’t meant to be.

But, I can’t say these last two days of extreme poverty have been all that bad either. I’ve met a lot of people for one. I’ve lost all inhibition in going up to strangers and doing a little peddling. I’ve also stopped being so stingy. Everyone knows what a spend-thrift I am but now that I actually have so little money, what’s the use of holding on so tightly to it? It’s not going to come with me to the afterlife. Money is money and it’s worst than worthless if you’re constantly worrying about it. Today I donated the rest of the food in my house to a monastary. I said a little prayer for happiness and set it at the golden foot of the giant Buddha statue. Within a few minutes I had befriended a repairman there who gave me a juice and some snacks. So it came back to me!

I bought smoothies for the people I met knowing I had way less than them, but within a few hours I managed to sell my bicycle and some lamps and pillows. This experience has taught me to be in the moment and not to worry because you will have everything you need if you do good. I know next time instead of holding onto cash with an iron fist I’ll loosen up a little and instead of considering only my own personal enjoyment, I’ll use it in a way that will benefit others too. If you’re always expecting to get something in return how can you say you’re doing something good? For the entire three weeks I stayed with the herbal doctor and his friends who cooked for me and provided me with my own room they refused any money. I tried, but they wouldn’t accept it. I wish there were more people who did things for others just out of the pure goodness of their heart and I think that there are more of them out there then we know. ~V

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